the way we live

we build up lots of confidence in little things.
our God is big; and our confidence should be there.
and yet, we like all the little ideologies, little thoughts, little materialistic pretties, or big materialistic pretties...

im reading [ok, starting to read] the book Jesus+Nothing=Everything
and i have stopped reading after the first chapter. it poked at my desire to have a ministry. to have my life look quantifiable by the wonderful passion and ministry desires i have.
life is not about getting myself in the right ministry. about finding that fit. ive been so focused on that. my focus is wrong, and probably one of the ways im keeping myself futher from what God desires for me, is wanting so badly to be in some sort of action.
the childrens shelter
the desire to foster
the hope to bring women out of slavery and treafficking
all these things are idols

i must only see God. only want time with him. to find the love and joy and fulfillment THERE, FIRST.
after that all these great things can be true, and can be utilized to love well.

not having all my stuff around, has me mentally in a different place. theres a bit more fatigue, and i think thats because i dont have a good routine yet of daily things that need to happen [ like time w God, or how quickly i can exercise and cook and shower...just the little routines we get into].
not having a routine has been great in shedding light on how i live, what i do, why, all that. looking at even what my friends tend to eat, how they clean their apts...these little things make me step back , and wonder what is really important.
not being in my "own" apt/ place of abode has made me more desirous to have people around.
not having internet has brought forgetfulness about the people in my life~ oh, facebook is too much of a community crutch.
my cats are getting used to the woman's backyard, even though spiffy almost died of depression and lack of jump. she was in the vacant backyard behind, and wouldnt come back over. apparently hadnt been drinking or eating for a bit. but she finally did get back over, without me going there. thinking about looking at her when she would potentially be dehydrated and glazed- over....im just glad i didnt have to deal with that. and if spiffy is dead and "a" lied to me, thats fine.