i am in a house, which is a "permanent" thing. going though all the material possessions i have accumulated over 7 years [ and fitting most of it into a 8' x10' room] is almost debilitating.
ive been cranky, and blah, and not really caring to invite people over or call people up. the lack of couch and overall "doneness" of the house may be part of that.
i really think there is a major psychological and emotional grieving i am going through as i throw away much of my treasures. theres just not a place for them, in the long run, and i need to start collecting differently.
see, i am a collector. i used to embrace it fully when i was little. things of like kind, rocks, rock animals [carved from soapstone and sold in mexico mostly], margarita stir sticks with really cool glass figurines on top, books, letters and notes, pictures, stuffed animals, keychains, lip balm [the last 2 listed i had about 50 each of both at one time. my purse contained a bag of lip product and keychains. and my house key.] .
theres probably more. but you get the idea. i started thinking it was just some weird thing.
but i like to be right. i like to collect information.
i like having large parties with a bunch of people. i like to collect friends.
i like to hear people's hearts and laugh or cry with them as needed. i like to collect stories with trust.
i have one more big box of papers and cards- lots of words of affirmation- to go, before im halfway at the point i want to be at. im putting it off. its really time consuming, and, it truncates my project that i had, of putting all of those things in a scrapbook. im just doing a 180 here.
i havent felt myself for a while. that is becoming more and more common. and i feel less fun and more serious. if its who im supposed to be, thats fine, but i just want to be honest to my present. whatever my present is.
23 August 2013
09 August 2013
The house starts to feel like home!
I don't have to move to a different sleeping place each week, and I am situating my room the way that feels most cozy. It's in a great place right now- I've actually been smiling when I walk into my room. Next weekend is the projected time in my mind for moving the rest of my stuff out of the Huggler's attic.
If you haven't noticed yet, something I'm working on is capitalization and punctuation. [HAHAH! I had just misspelled those two words right then. Classic.]
Is it just me, or do I seem to get more guys interested in me when I am focused on God? Seems that way, and right now it's like, as I'm considering moving to another country, I seem to be attractive to you all. Great.
Not being settled in my living space had taken a toll on my personality and my joy. My hospitality suffered; I didn't know how to do life in hospitality without offering a space. It somehow felt like I couldn't spend alot of money either. Weird how that works out psychologically. That's such a messed -up word. All the letters at the front. Psych.
God is sovereign. He is over his children, over the good and the bad, and he orchestrates it in his wisdom. --Regardless of how we feel about that, it's true.
He is loving. I just read this morning in one of the Chronicles or one of the Kings- I'm pretty sure its Kings, because I'm reading about a bunch of kings!
Anyway, they are finally done with all their evil, God is done with them being evil, and all of Israel is taken into captivity. The Assyrian king replaces them with little minions. Translated, that says that he sent other people groups to inhabit the land of Samaria, which is what they were calling the land of Israel at the time. So, the new people didn't know God or his laws, and God sent lions among them. So then the Assyrian king sent a priest back to teach them about God. These people didn't start following after God, but God didn't send any more nastiness on them.
Shows his beauty in giving us free will. He gave them opportunity. I like to think there were some people that turned away from their old stuff and started new with God.
It has made me think about how He gives of himself still so freely. We wonder why he doesn't explain things to us more, or make it easier for us to somehow believe him- but he gives us all we need for life and godliness. We must choose it. If some of those people who got relocated back in the day had chosen to follow God, they would've definitely been the minority. They would've had to seek out that priest. They would've been known- not seen at the high places or asherim [I'm just spitting out words- I don't know what an asherim is.].
We want this great calling and great work from God- and his calling us into godliness, to step out and be seen as his, to seek him when everyone else is going the other way. When we are not understood.
It is a great work and a hard one, to take what he has freely given and make it our own. To ask for understanding when the thought isn't a common sense american one. To see how we can live with this new truth in our days. It's a thing that needs focus, and greatness, and determination. It needs passion.
I don't have to move to a different sleeping place each week, and I am situating my room the way that feels most cozy. It's in a great place right now- I've actually been smiling when I walk into my room. Next weekend is the projected time in my mind for moving the rest of my stuff out of the Huggler's attic.
If you haven't noticed yet, something I'm working on is capitalization and punctuation. [HAHAH! I had just misspelled those two words right then. Classic.]
Is it just me, or do I seem to get more guys interested in me when I am focused on God? Seems that way, and right now it's like, as I'm considering moving to another country, I seem to be attractive to you all. Great.
Not being settled in my living space had taken a toll on my personality and my joy. My hospitality suffered; I didn't know how to do life in hospitality without offering a space. It somehow felt like I couldn't spend alot of money either. Weird how that works out psychologically. That's such a messed -up word. All the letters at the front. Psych.
God is sovereign. He is over his children, over the good and the bad, and he orchestrates it in his wisdom. --Regardless of how we feel about that, it's true.
He is loving. I just read this morning in one of the Chronicles or one of the Kings- I'm pretty sure its Kings, because I'm reading about a bunch of kings!
Anyway, they are finally done with all their evil, God is done with them being evil, and all of Israel is taken into captivity. The Assyrian king replaces them with little minions. Translated, that says that he sent other people groups to inhabit the land of Samaria, which is what they were calling the land of Israel at the time. So, the new people didn't know God or his laws, and God sent lions among them. So then the Assyrian king sent a priest back to teach them about God. These people didn't start following after God, but God didn't send any more nastiness on them.
Shows his beauty in giving us free will. He gave them opportunity. I like to think there were some people that turned away from their old stuff and started new with God.
It has made me think about how He gives of himself still so freely. We wonder why he doesn't explain things to us more, or make it easier for us to somehow believe him- but he gives us all we need for life and godliness. We must choose it. If some of those people who got relocated back in the day had chosen to follow God, they would've definitely been the minority. They would've had to seek out that priest. They would've been known- not seen at the high places or asherim [I'm just spitting out words- I don't know what an asherim is.].
We want this great calling and great work from God- and his calling us into godliness, to step out and be seen as his, to seek him when everyone else is going the other way. When we are not understood.
It is a great work and a hard one, to take what he has freely given and make it our own. To ask for understanding when the thought isn't a common sense american one. To see how we can live with this new truth in our days. It's a thing that needs focus, and greatness, and determination. It needs passion.
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