major mood swing,or spiritually sensitive?

so, on the 20th im at an awesome place
the next day, i have some more awesomeness, like my bro making the move to be proactive in his relationship with Christ, getting to tell people about it, and having great hang time with lindsay k.
and then i hit a scarey and familiar wall. i think.
i felt fidgety and unsettled after my testification of Gods hand on my bro. and then other things started cropping up.
praise God for friends that he places in my life, thank you that Youre teaching me to be needy and ask.
mike clarified that satan didnt like it.
erin prayed over me.
shelley called me and was a beautiful container.
called erin and told her i was good, and got some affirmation in a realm of life that im not fully cognizant of how to live in yet. [aka men and my relations to them]
btw any guys reading this, dont flip out please. thanks.

all this to say, at one point i was wondering if i indeed have some depression. one of my friends that has major depression presented this.
this well meaning lady at church asked me once if ive looked at the possibility that i may suffer from bipolar disorder.

i know that Jesus Christ brings soundness. i also know that alot of people really do struggle with imbalances.
part of me feels a bit cocky almost, saying that i am spritually aware, that i can really be impacted by what happens around me.
but its true. and a bit frightening. and reassuring. the craziest part of this to me is that when i see and understand Gods goodness the most, is when i feel so overcome. and satan hates that.
too bad, you! THE King of Kings is the encompassing truth and victor!

YYYYEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!

i dont have it all together- and thats okay!!! ive never been so ecstatic about my lack of ability before. hehehehehheheehhhhahahahhahhhah! wooooO!
what a load off.
i dont know why that hit me so hard. but its a great feeling. i should think about things more when im really tired. maybe that gave me the added rush;)
nono. im kidding[although i am tired].
i think its because i had felt so much stress all at once a few weeks ago, and some of that was forum stuff. right now, some more "forum stuff" came up, and i was like, sweet, we can work this out!
ahhh.
ok, night.
wait. one more thought. i believe the excitement has to do with the fact that i know Gods not done. hes never done, and this is going to flow further than i can imagine...

i want to be here, sharing, but i dont have much to share.
ive been recieving affirmation about finding training for counseling. i have NO idea what thats going to look like at all. it could look different, even, than all of the possibilities ive thought of.

theres some softening thats come about from all the difficulty that ive had recently. it puts me in a quieter place to be able to have sorrow over where people are. for instance, when my boss is acting stupid. i rant a bit to God, and then he brings very quickly a grief over where shes been and what shes had/ having to deal with. and then im placed in a postion to look at myself, and seriously consider how i can interact with her well, and love her.

im so thankful for his working!!!

bible stuff- swweeeet.

ive had a bunch of crappy weeks all together.
i think Gods doing something.
its hard for me to not understand.
lasst night, i was in bed, and i COULD NOT shut my brain off. with all the things that have been going on for me, and my wanting to make some sort of sense of them... i was trying to solidify if it was demons, Gods refinement, if i was out of his will; i thought of everything. i finally decided to sit up, turn the light on and read. i wasnt sleeping anyway.
luke 8
i always gravitate toward this passage. hence the theme of my blog. but something jumped out at me last night.
"then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed,"
and its followed by an action filled with unknowing, submission, and proclaimation.
HUGE to me right now.

i also had[before that] been in some psalms.
49-57
i understood 54 and 55.
i UNDERSTOOD it. like it was giving voice to the pain in my heart. id never had that happen before in the psalms.
just wanted to share.

oh, and its pretty cool to read ps 119 and song of solomon juxtaposed. you may hate it. it was beautiful to me.one verse, back and forth.