i am in a house, which is a "permanent" thing. going though all the material possessions i have accumulated over 7 years [ and fitting most of it into a 8' x10' room] is almost debilitating.
ive been cranky, and blah, and not really caring to invite people over or call people up. the lack of couch and overall "doneness" of the house may be part of that.
i really think there is a major psychological and emotional grieving i am going through as i throw away much of my treasures. theres just not a place for them, in the long run, and i need to start collecting differently.
see, i am a collector. i used to embrace it fully when i was little. things of like kind, rocks, rock animals [carved from soapstone and sold in mexico mostly], margarita stir sticks with really cool glass figurines on top, books, letters and notes, pictures, stuffed animals, keychains, lip balm [the last 2 listed i had about 50 each of both at one time. my purse contained a bag of lip product and keychains.  and my house key.] .

theres probably more. but you get the idea. i started thinking it was just some weird thing.
but i like to be right. i like to collect information.
i like having large parties with a bunch of people. i like to collect friends.
i like to hear people's hearts and laugh or cry with them as needed. i like to collect stories with trust.

i have one more big box of papers and cards- lots of words of affirmation- to go, before im halfway at the point i want to be at. im putting it off. its really time consuming, and, it truncates my project that i had, of putting all of those things in a scrapbook. im just doing a 180 here.

i havent felt myself for a while. that is becoming more and more common. and i feel less fun and more serious. if its who im supposed to be, thats fine, but i just want to be honest to my present. whatever my present is.