joel

joel's hard for me to get into, with all the worms right off the bat, and destruction.
theres removal of provision, and shame, and a call to cry out to the Lord.
he doesnt come and restore them yet.
then, a crazy strong army comes, totally insurmountable and its a darkness you cant get away from.
then the Lord comes. and its a different darkness, of power. but theres also kindness, and a call again to cry out to Him. ::in a deeper place, maybe?
theres a truth- we must continually turn to Him in our needs. come to me, come to me, oh yes, and weep and mourn before me. dont numb out or be "satisfying" your hurts, stroking them and saying its not that bad, i can cope and we'll get through this.

and then the Lord comes quickly in his response- i will restore all these things, and this huge army, that wasnt defeatable? i go that.
v.20 ch.2 "but I will remove far off from you the northern army, and will drive him into a land barren and desolate, with his face toward the east sea, and his hinder part toward the utmost sea, and his stink shall come up, because he hath done great things."

so, the bad things were so great, theyre going to be a rememberance, even from far away.
but.
v. 21 "fear not, o land; be glad and rejoice: for the Lord will do great things."
BaM!
He's our Covering, our Restorer. His presence, full and complete in our lives brings on a forgetfullness of the evil- wiping away the pain of the past from our eyes, until one day we see Him clearly! those great things covered, are covering, and will continue to cover.

i came to my page, forgetting that i had changed it. it was so wonderfully refreshing! it wasnt a color combo i would really have gone for, if i had time to think about it. but i did it in response to changing my title. i felt it needed new colors.
its interesting- when i think i know myself, and have myself all figured out... my self throws me for a loop. areas and thought patterns that i could have sworn were dealt with adequately, and could be put aside, still need lots of time. being kinder to myself and allowing my needs to be met ends up being a kindness to all. i have more on my heart, but not to be read here in coldness. or said with type. and im feeling weighted and worn, and sad that im not more present in the moments.

pieces of my day

went to enchanted rock today. great place, i love it. hadnt gone before. went with a friend that needed time to walk around while she talked things out. i am in awe of the beauty God lets me in on, and that he gives to me. like a truth she spoke over me. she told me something about myself that i seriously have never known. that i see the beauty in things that arent beautiful, or where the beauty is hard to find. that i find the loveliness in people whereas she would only be repulsed by their horrific personality- or lack of it. she used more words, but i was so blown away, i could hardly stay present. ::is this really me?!::
i forced myself to stay present; shes a safe friend. andshe loves mem, and wouldnt hurt me. i allowed her to see my joy in recieving her words, and let her know i had difficulty holding them.
i have to say, i thank God that he gives me grace now to love myself. to love what hes created and fashioned. mostly- most of the time:)
it helps to agree with him, that he makes beautiful stuff, when im out in his nature.
WHOA!
we are in agreement with the Lord, and see through his eyes, when we are walking in his nature! his character!
swweeeet.

found some lovely words in some shops on fredricksburg, wished tim was in my pocket so i could ask him what some german stuff meant. had some reallly good pizza at the brewery. laughed a whole lot with linds k. it felt good to really laugh.
hope beyond all hope, hope with probable pain at the end, is better than no hope. hope is my anthem.
and theres nothing to the phrase "false hope" - at that point it has ceased to be hope,and is just deception in the presence of blatant truths.