its that time again ! ive been "away" for a few days. dunno why; i get blogging tourette's and then its famine for a bit. cycles. seasons. 
so. went to an info class at the tex dept of child and family protective services. worried that i wouldnt fit in, or that people would look askance at me because i was there by myself, i had to fight a tiny feeling to cry as i got out of my car[ was that a grammatically correct sentence?].
ended up being super awesome. i knew alot of the information already, like what to expect and there would be more classes and you have to be committed...blahblah. i was peaceful. i was settled. it feels right, guys!! i just have to be in preparation. thats going to play out as volunteer work  at the childrens' shelter. im going thursday i think to fill out the paperwork and talk. i have to get a tb test. i hope to do that quickly and cheaply:)
read their requirements, and was like, i am SO qualified for this!
my lease would be up here in oct, and the thought plays into my mind again...would it be time to move? but i dont think thats healthy and it probably wouldnt be good financially, unless i found somewhere to stay for free. or for 200$ max;) and since i want to do some travelling, i will for sure be here another year, i would think. thats like, logical.enough of that.
felt the weight of people not around again today. i usually have dinner w friends on tues nights, and its always a surprise, who can come. today no one could come, and i was a little thankful for the extra time for me on one hand. on the other, i was terribly sorrowful. called a friend up and she is going on a family trip tomorrow, coming back for a blink, and then going off to grad school in oregon. we only talked for a second, and with words like, hows it going,  how busy have you been, when are you going, how are you, ok see you later.

called a neighbor, talked about our other neighbors and how good God is, called my mom and dad . one of the little girls came over and i bandaged up her toe again. a few nights ago she dropped a mirror on it, and hit right on the cuticle. her older sister had no pity, and she mentioned to me she thinks her mom is just going to be mad and not be concerned about her toe. she said i was the only one that cared. that broke my heart for her mom, and how much SHE is missing with her precious beautiful daughters.
one of the little girls mentioned  they might move to a house when their other sister has her baby. thinking about them moving makes me sad, and i know it will be in Gods hands. i acted on a thought- so glad i did- to buy them cards and write in them, as goodbye notes, and have a book of virtues to give them, as well as a dictionary/ thesaurus. [they are spanish -speaking, and the oldest always comments on how little english she knows.]
ive loved the rain
i feel alive
i like having purpose and goals that are visible
i feel lonely
i have peace

and this is what i look like when im all by myself, alone, with my cats. [i cant believe them. they get all passed out now, and then wake me up at 5. its cruel.  wish i could just pass out like that.]

it would take too long to explain all the ins and outs that  God has been taking me through- but its wonderful, lets just say that. i have recieved more of a heart knowledge about how to include him in my day and talk through things. the path isnt perceptible by myself even. all i know is, i was sitting in tension - "how in the world do i grow in these things he asks us to grow in, without making it out to be some sort of work?" which is a really good question. some , if not almost all of the things that we go through and will go through are going to be work. but we shouldnt make the process of knowing God work. yes, it takes work to set up time to have with him, and to purpose to interact, but the acctual growth process cant be worked at- its just supposed to happen like any other relationship. 
 it seems all so fundamental, but its new to me. real.
sometime this week- lets say tues= im going to look online at potential classes to take  for social work, or foster parenting, or childhood development... im scared.
i need to just put all the questions in Gods hands. the biggest one is, what if i make a wrong decision-what if i dont listen, dont take the time in the decision- making moments to just sit and wait? i tend to go headlong once a decision is needed, and just not rest and not really pray. the prayers get frenetic and i dont quiet myself. so this is going to require that i act differently. o.O

cool scarf!!!!

 so, i didnt want to be all facebooky about this- but i wanted to show off this uber dainty awesome scarf i got.

 i dont think i have the guts [or naivete'] to actually wear it out like this, and be mistaken for taking on some sort of muslim belief, or for the sake of fashion.

dunno how im going to wear it normally; its so pretty - seems like a disservice to just wear it like a normal scarf.  the name of the pattern is blooming romance:)