post soon, maybe tomorrow, if i feel like it.


this was a little later. its the 19th or something. im not entirely sure what i was going to talk about the other day. im getting rid of things...a friend's yard sale will hopefully see to that.
had a wonderful tea party the other night with some dear friends and a new friend that is quickly becoming dear.
i get worried sometimes before parties, if the people coming really want to come, if they really like me. its weird. these kind of thoughts stop me from calling up friends to just chat.
im wanting to give that to God and --please change my mind.

tonight was the orientation/ info meeting for the masters program at utsa for social work.
i tried to stay calm while rushing home[but not to rush], shower, eat, put something on that i feel great in[because i always have to look great when im doing something i dont know how to do, or what will be required of me- makes some of the fear go away. hah. maybe thats why we dress up at our weddings], and took off at 4 50 even though the meeting was at 6. i didnt want to be late just because i didnt know where to park, and i wanted to beat the 5 o clock traffic. which i pretty muchly managed to do.
parked at the farmers market building [ free on tues after 5!], and went to m itierra and got some coffee. sat outside and read while waiting for the minutes to tick.
sat in that room 15 min early, trying to push down the worrying thoughts of, " maybe they cancelled..", "what if the person doesnt show up?", and the general "what am i doing here?!"
we had a great little one-on- one.
it felt a little weird and was great. he tailored what he was telling to my situation.

so i cant get into utsa's program, because they dont have a bachelors in social work yet, just a masters. the 3 places i could go for a  bachelors are ut austin, lady of the lake, and texas state.
none are ideal to me; it didnt sound like there are any online bachelor programs.

the good thing about utsa is that their program caters to working students right now. so only night and weekend classes.  the bachelors degrees arent so- at least he made them sound like full time student things.

i left more excited than ive been, and more frustrated.it feels like so much work. and i still dont know if this is what God is actually putting in front of me, or if theres another strain. so im sitting, praying, trying to not think ahead and figure out things that arent even happening.
definitely stretching my ability to rest.

happy anniversary to me and sa!

this might be a rambling post.
last night i threw up, so today im taking it easy.
i seem to always get sick, or something, during government holidays.
today is the start of my 7th year in san antonio.the sabbath year.leviticus 25:1-7

is this something that can be translated to my body? my "land"? is there more to my life that could be termed my "land"? what would it mean at that point to not "sow, " but allow the land to yield what it will, on its own?

i think of sowing as making things happen. being purposeful in all that i do. intentional. this seems counter -culture to all of christianity as i know it.would this entail more of a separation; daily "living" life and daily "spiritual/ evangelistic" life? would it only apply to the actual work at my job, or my extra -curricular activities... and what about the plan to look into school?  so yea.
spirituality permeates every aspect of life, so how do i just apply this spiritually?
is this something that is now redeemed, so to speak, because of Christ? if its one of those OT [ old testament} things that is not absolved, but fulfilled because of his coming to die and live again.... what is the new interpretation?
i think this all came to the forefront of my awareness because of my intentionality to rest today.

[hahhha! dont prune, it says. i havent been plucking my eyebrows- does that count?! heheheheh]

my friends, hello!
1 chapter into Half the Sky by kristof and wuDunn, and im hooked.
gonna buy Unseduced and Unshaken by dr. rosalie de rosset    soonish.....

and, God gave me the green light to start moving forward into checking out schooling. yesh, im being open to some sort of social work type degree. not at all knowing where i'll end up in that, and if a degree will even be the outcome.  any help/ ideas/ thoughts would be appreciated. i have some older couples helping me research and wade through my thoughts. anybody wanna hold my hand when i go to talk to the counselor at UTSA?