post soon, maybe tomorrow, if i feel like it.


this was a little later. its the 19th or something. im not entirely sure what i was going to talk about the other day. im getting rid of things...a friend's yard sale will hopefully see to that.
had a wonderful tea party the other night with some dear friends and a new friend that is quickly becoming dear.
i get worried sometimes before parties, if the people coming really want to come, if they really like me. its weird. these kind of thoughts stop me from calling up friends to just chat.
im wanting to give that to God and --please change my mind.

tonight was the orientation/ info meeting for the masters program at utsa for social work.
i tried to stay calm while rushing home[but not to rush], shower, eat, put something on that i feel great in[because i always have to look great when im doing something i dont know how to do, or what will be required of me- makes some of the fear go away. hah. maybe thats why we dress up at our weddings], and took off at 4 50 even though the meeting was at 6. i didnt want to be late just because i didnt know where to park, and i wanted to beat the 5 o clock traffic. which i pretty muchly managed to do.
parked at the farmers market building [ free on tues after 5!], and went to m itierra and got some coffee. sat outside and read while waiting for the minutes to tick.
sat in that room 15 min early, trying to push down the worrying thoughts of, " maybe they cancelled..", "what if the person doesnt show up?", and the general "what am i doing here?!"
we had a great little one-on- one.
it felt a little weird and was great. he tailored what he was telling to my situation.

so i cant get into utsa's program, because they dont have a bachelors in social work yet, just a masters. the 3 places i could go for a  bachelors are ut austin, lady of the lake, and texas state.
none are ideal to me; it didnt sound like there are any online bachelor programs.

the good thing about utsa is that their program caters to working students right now. so only night and weekend classes.  the bachelors degrees arent so- at least he made them sound like full time student things.

i left more excited than ive been, and more frustrated.it feels like so much work. and i still dont know if this is what God is actually putting in front of me, or if theres another strain. so im sitting, praying, trying to not think ahead and figure out things that arent even happening.
definitely stretching my ability to rest.