chatted with a friend from high school today- she coined the phrase that is now my title. i love it.
ive been enjoying talking w people about being "homeless"- its one of the ways God is reminding me that this is all his doing.
really, most of my life has been his doing. ive tried to take it from him a couple times. that didnt work out well at all.
some of you that have been able to talk to me recently, know that i am getting tired of all this unsettled business. thankfully i have some "new" clothes, that were pretty much free. so that helps me stay kind to myself and not get into depressed doldrums.
i was helping Hope for the Sex Trafficked have a rummage sale so that we can make some org money. i did put a whole day and about 60 $ into the sale personally, and got a sunburn and about 10 great clothes out of the deal.
having this clothing experience, gave me an idea. i am going to pick a few articles of clothing each couple of months, and just wear them. and wear them. and thats going to 1) simplify my decision making process during the weekends [read: less time spent trying to figure out what to wear], 2)show me what pieces in my closet dont need to stay, and 3) give me way more pairing options, and show me what things i need to find to make pairings more profitable and versatile.
im excited.
i was going to go to the childrens shelter today, but i think this weekend ive needed a little more me time. i know i wont be able to do that when i start fostering, but at least it will just be one or two kids at a time, and they can be on our family schedule.
ive needed a bit more me time because of all of my life right now.
it consists of disappointment and waiting and waiting and not feeling settled, and some of not having time to talk my life out with anyone. actually probably more of me not making/ asking for time to talk it out. thankfully the disappointment in no one coming to my Rodan + Fields party for my coworkers meant that i had friend time with my business partner. that was nice to just chat about life and not R+F for a bit with her.
still havent heard back about fostering. i know God has his timing though. so im not going to push it. after this next week, i'll be moving in with one of my future roommates for the rest of the month. thats gonna make it more real. funny, i want this, but when i think about what the reality of it might feel like, im a little sad that this time of transition is going to be over. yes, ive kvetched about it. but God has been present in ways ive never known and im afraid i'll forget quickly where hes been with me in this time. im afraid i'll lose this peace/ calm/ joy thats been with me; like maybe it was a special grace for this season only.
i heard from a single friend that she is pretty certain that she knows the man shes going to marry. she cited lots of God- moments and things other people have said, and also what the man has said as well. it looks pretty solid. made me think of some encounters ive had with the Spirit recently, and wondering if maybe im not meant to do any fostering on my own- if maybe im just having to wait on my husband to get to me.
which makes me think- if im really gonna have to wait on being in that role, and its because of him, the first thing out of my mouth when he proposes might not be "OMG, YES!" but --" finally! do you realize how long ive had to wait?! we're calling the DFPS right now."
29 June 2013
19 June 2013
hello! ive been tired, ive been busy, but ive been blessed and calm.
God has shown me graciousness with my time, and solidified me in gratitude to my family, and my circumstances :) its been awesome.
when i learned that i would have to wait another month for my rent house, i went through some anger and disappointment. a little fear too, to be honest. i hated the thought that i would have to ask for help for another month, and wondered what others would think about me [like why is she just mooching off of people?]
thankfully, we threw that out the window. my affirmation needs to come from God.
ive had my eyes opened again to my brutally honest way of saying things, and am asking God seriously to slow my mouth down so i can rehearse the things that pop out of my mouth, to gauge them.
also to my critical spirit. i need to love people despite their faults, and pray for change. because, as noted just before, i have my own issues. and theres more where that came from.
this month [ i just called the foster/ adoption help at the childrens shelter], im going to chat with someone about the possibility of starting fostering. i must be crazy to want to start this right now, with a job and a business, and having roommates. but if i dont start, i'll always make excuses. and i want my life to count for love toward God in loving his people. i think the best way i do that, is when im spent and have to lean on him completely.
i think thats why this new business venture with r + f has been so great. its shown me i cant focus on the doing and the money and the perfect life and the good works. its only God. ive been giving all of my everything to God every day for the past two days. my focus has been changing. im excited to see where this leads.
and screw it if r + f doesnt work out, or if i cant become a foster parent now [ or ever]. i truely gave all my parts of my life up, even asking him to just give me that perfect house that is the best for our needs. there is no worry, just looking ahead with determination for the next day, and slowing down as much as i can for the people in the moment. --thats still a struggle at times.
i really am squishing and sinking into the fact that if i do a job, regular old job, struggle w money, give when i can with all of my resources, heart, mind, and body, and pray... that it will be enough. our focus is to be God.
heh, kinda wish my life was boring like that some days, so i can take a nap:) but God knows. he did actually give me a nap last sunday, which was good and neccesary. im falling in love with life and the glimpses of what it really could be, and what mine is taking shape as. im falling in love with him, knowing he could take all this away that im holding, and it would be good and fine. :)
God has shown me graciousness with my time, and solidified me in gratitude to my family, and my circumstances :) its been awesome.
when i learned that i would have to wait another month for my rent house, i went through some anger and disappointment. a little fear too, to be honest. i hated the thought that i would have to ask for help for another month, and wondered what others would think about me [like why is she just mooching off of people?]
thankfully, we threw that out the window. my affirmation needs to come from God.
ive had my eyes opened again to my brutally honest way of saying things, and am asking God seriously to slow my mouth down so i can rehearse the things that pop out of my mouth, to gauge them.
also to my critical spirit. i need to love people despite their faults, and pray for change. because, as noted just before, i have my own issues. and theres more where that came from.
this month [ i just called the foster/ adoption help at the childrens shelter], im going to chat with someone about the possibility of starting fostering. i must be crazy to want to start this right now, with a job and a business, and having roommates. but if i dont start, i'll always make excuses. and i want my life to count for love toward God in loving his people. i think the best way i do that, is when im spent and have to lean on him completely.
i think thats why this new business venture with r + f has been so great. its shown me i cant focus on the doing and the money and the perfect life and the good works. its only God. ive been giving all of my everything to God every day for the past two days. my focus has been changing. im excited to see where this leads.
and screw it if r + f doesnt work out, or if i cant become a foster parent now [ or ever]. i truely gave all my parts of my life up, even asking him to just give me that perfect house that is the best for our needs. there is no worry, just looking ahead with determination for the next day, and slowing down as much as i can for the people in the moment. --thats still a struggle at times.
i really am squishing and sinking into the fact that if i do a job, regular old job, struggle w money, give when i can with all of my resources, heart, mind, and body, and pray... that it will be enough. our focus is to be God.
heh, kinda wish my life was boring like that some days, so i can take a nap:) but God knows. he did actually give me a nap last sunday, which was good and neccesary. im falling in love with life and the glimpses of what it really could be, and what mine is taking shape as. im falling in love with him, knowing he could take all this away that im holding, and it would be good and fine. :)
10 June 2013
we have an official trio of girl!
im so glad to be resting in knowing we can truely start looking for a house. the timeframe is still up in the air; one girl is going to be gone for most of july and the other cant get out of her lease until the end of july.
ive become comfortable with living with others, and doing my own thing while being a bit on their schedule. its refreshing. i guess just nice to know i can change still, and meld to other people's lives.
my rodan + fields business is good, and im really enjoying it- im also frustrated because im not able to jump in like i want to, and devote the time and attention id like. i asked God to make me unsettled about anything that is not supposed to be in my life, since im so busy, and im wondering if that is bad theology.
the heart behind it is good- i dont want to push him out, and i dont want to eat up all my time with things that arent important.
i feel at rest.
which is strange with all the things going on. still waiting on hearing from the lady that has my cats, that shes taken them to the shelter. maybe i'll call her tomorrow.
im so glad to be resting in knowing we can truely start looking for a house. the timeframe is still up in the air; one girl is going to be gone for most of july and the other cant get out of her lease until the end of july.
ive become comfortable with living with others, and doing my own thing while being a bit on their schedule. its refreshing. i guess just nice to know i can change still, and meld to other people's lives.
my rodan + fields business is good, and im really enjoying it- im also frustrated because im not able to jump in like i want to, and devote the time and attention id like. i asked God to make me unsettled about anything that is not supposed to be in my life, since im so busy, and im wondering if that is bad theology.
the heart behind it is good- i dont want to push him out, and i dont want to eat up all my time with things that arent important.
i feel at rest.
which is strange with all the things going on. still waiting on hearing from the lady that has my cats, that shes taken them to the shelter. maybe i'll call her tomorrow.
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