know when you read something and your heart leaps and tears come and you just have to stop reading and cry, and prepare yourself to finish reading Gods heart toward you?
just had that.
when i really stop to think of how he uses whatever he wants to get through to us, im in shock of the crazy.

"Don't lose hope, my lady. Remember that you rest in him, and he loves you. When you came to him, he poured out blessings upon you. He promises his continued blessing. I don't know why this paralysis has come upon you, but I do know Jesus has not abandoned you. He will never abandon you, my lady. This may even be his way of drawing you closer to him. Seek his face. Listen to him. Remember who he is, our comforter, our strength, our counselor, our healer. Ask what his will is for your life. He hasn't taken you home for a purpose. He will reveal that purpose to you. It may be that God has done this thing in order to give you a greater commission than one you might have assumed for yourself."
--hadassah, An Echo in the Darkness by francine rivers

soooo, my hope is renewed! i kept telling God, i just need help.
i just need help. i cant do this on my own.
well the apt manager gave me some options to stay in another apt while im waiting for the txment to work, and last night the maintenance guy helped me self spray. its just good to know other people understand what im going through.
[they had them too]
tomorrow night the real deal is gonna happen. and ive gotten the place REALLY ready; im super awesome at this now. if you ever need someone to clean like paranoid, im your gal.
a little boy that has only been to the kids club maybe 2 x was at my stairs today- almost looked like he was waiting for me. i dont even remember his name. but he asked when kids club was happening again, and he gave me a hello and goodbye hug.
if thats not proof i need to stay/ try to stick it out, i dont know what is.
my decisions dont make sense to the people i work with. they dont make sense to me sometimes. but i trust that God has my life and everything in it.

please be in prayer w me. i need to hear from God and have peace.
this is about bedbugs.
my parents came today and we had a really relaxing wonderful time! noah, my bro, is going to colorado for 2 mo being a leader/counselor. so he had to get fleecy stuff, long underwear, a backpack, some shoes. we spent hours in the quarry- he and my mom mostly in whole earth provision.
we came back to my place and started talking about bed bugs. my dad is coming next weekend to fix my dryer. also, at that time[ well technically before] im going to be making a decision about moving or not. this entails me talking to my apt manager/ calling my own pest control because i think the people the complex are using are worthless in this senario-world wide pest co or something. they are too busy. hence talking to my manager. pray this goes well- i dont want any of this to leave a bad taste in her mouth concerning christians or God.
i have no money for pest services too, which is a hard spot because technically since i have verifiably [sp?] had them, they are supposed to pay for the txments. so...do i go with them again and have it be free, or just drop them and have someone else thats better?
there just needs to be alot of communication and i havent been wanting to do research and communicate.
if i move,


i dont even know what to write after that. theres so many options of thoughts i can put after that comma. please pray for peace to know Gods best in all conversation and that i would weigh everything and take time to really hear whats being said and that God would speak through me and to me.