found out 2 days ago that i dont really believe that Gods ever going to give me a husband [ i should say my, but ]
found out today that ive always looked at generational curses as something hurting my parents, grandparents, and me... maybe others around me- but never that i need to stop the cycle for my children. i havent believed that hed really give me children.
looking at some old friends' pics ....seeing how old their children are....
that kind of life seems so far away. so unattainable. one of my friends is getting a glorious house built with beautiful scenery surrounding, and her cute boys and husband,
and im painfully aware of these things being idols for me. and ive learned recently that i cant make my mind or heart different on this matter, and God has to do it.
i dont know if any of yall have ever noticed, but he never seems to do things when we want them done. how long is this going to take.
im reminded over and over my sin of ingratitude. trying to start speaking thankfulness about my life, and the people that ARE in it. thankfulness to the being and action of God.
Maybe... maybe he hasn't given you a husband and/or children yet because he wants you to do stuff first. When you get a guy and when you get married and ESPECIALLY when you have children, your whole life changes and it's not about you anymore, it's about them. It's about you AND them and your drive changes direction and your wants change into something else and you change. Maybe God has a plan for you to do something big BEFORE you go down that path. Maybe he needs you for something you wouldn't be able to do if you had a husband and a family of your own. I'm just saying.. instead of fixating on how it hasn't happened yet and how much longer you have to wait.. maybe focus on why he's making you wait.. and are you supposed to be doing something for him that you're not doing cuz you're concentrating too much on the fact that you haven't been given what you want..? You'll get a husband that you'll adore and have children. I can see that. I just think that maybe you're meant to do something before that era of your life.
ReplyDeleteI dunno where that came from or if it even makes sense.. just felt compelled to write it. Love you, cousin.
- tay
He knows, beautiful.
ReplyDelete