so, can all of my blog friends just be in one room together, and we all share life in real time!? --wouldnt that be cool.

havent been "here" in so long.... dunno what to say other than, can we slow down and have some tea?
can i slow down to offer life to people, to invite them? thats the real question. i dont know if its possible for me to do that right now unselfishly. im pretty sure im way selfish. God uproot that pls. thanks.
im writing verses on spiral- bound index cards. im creating a package of truth and exhortation and love. its harder to sit down and find all those amazing verses at once, so i decided to give myself time and trust that God would show and remind of those verses that are necessary.

the other day i felt that my life was small. i still feel this. i have a little tendency toward a cabin -fever type feeling that leaves me immobile. i see such movement and doing and change in other peoples lives and what i sometimes see as a lack in mine gets me all sad.
and God is faithful to remind me.
my years have not been wasted, nor will they be. but i do have the responsibility of taking what hes giving.
God just shed some light on something. grr. why do i have to hold peoples opinions in such high esteem!!!??
having people over is a joy for me, and i havent been doing it because i think "they" dont like my apartment. bleh. thats so sad and stupid.
do you ever feel that youre missing what God really has, and are just getting by with good things, and not the best?
mind renewal is important stuff, and is a constant need. pray for alertness.

i know im all over the place in this blog. its ok.
theres something i need help with, but dont know who to ask. like, literally. i really dont know who to ask about it.
lucian, the romanian guy, still has a glimmer of [well, maybe more than a glimmer, i dont know] hope about us growing into deeper friends and then love.
i really dont want this. i dont think its possible. not with where we are both spiritually. the place where i need help is, i need an older single guy perspective on how i should deal w him. or just an older person in general i guess.
do all men act like children? is this their fate?

ugh. i dont really want to end on this note, but i cant think of anything else.
oh! i am doing really great w the masturbation- havent wanted it in a long time, its lost its power! [thanks sam and taytay for having my back on that]