something's happened this evening. something rare. i made coffee. and im going to drink it. at 8 30.
in my defense[ sad defense], its decaf.
im having a sourcream donut w it- my fav
::does that negate the fact that im having less caffine? wonder how much sugar is in there.
this is a need to feel cozy.
house sitting for some friends over the weekend stirred up MUCHO longings. this of course, happens right after the longings chapter in book two of the grace group trilogy- -- i just feel like there should be 3 books. so theres a trilogy in my head.
i was so so so grateful [voyeuristically] for a garage and a balcony porch and greenery to look at in the morning and a dog to walk and a kitchen with as much storage space as MY WHOLE APT(maybe more) .....i could say a few other things but i think you-- oh no, wait. a great wonderful large size washer and dryer and a garden tub. ok. now im done with the list.
last grace group one of the ladies prayed. shes an expert pray-er. its real, and thoughtful of the people in the room, but doesnt seek to impress and doesnt strive to remember. just a thoughtful heart pray-er. real at the same time. not afraid. she mentioned longing for the garden.
their house[ im tearing right now in the weight of it all] felt a garden.
it spoke faint rememberances into my soul about what i really want to be in my life. i fantasized about having an open- door policy all the time, hosting parties and being able to offer my home and bed/couches/ floor at almost any given moment.
i have such tension in my life ; wanting to invite always and having to quiet the offer sometimes. or change it to be accommodating. (rabbit-trail confession. i use dictionary.com not for the defs, but for spelling. used it 2wice already. if you guess the 2 words, i'll give you a prize. serious. it will most likely be food. unless you have a suggestion. and is it weird that my donut just then tasted of a chicken strip from dairy queen?!? i used to get chicken strips religiously + a choc extreme blizzard from dq right next to del mar in cc on my lunch break. those are still my 2 fav things there.if im not careful, they totally RIP my gut. but theyre so tastey. )
ok. so.
living w tension....loving a taste of what i would like to offer people in my life later on. loving how it calmed me. loving that it called me awake and outside and to God in the morning. how. to. replicate.
im settling a little better in my apt. it scares me because the last time i got really settled and feelin good, i moved. i dont want to move just yet, for kids club sake. it wouldnt be the same if i didnt live here.
anyway tho- im settling. it seems to be a getting older thing too, because all of a sudden im not ok with everything decor- wise not matching. slowly being remedied.
theres this painting thats half way done going on my wall, and a clock at target i absolutely love and will be so sad if its not there or bought -up by the time [ehheheheh!] i can justify getting it.
and ive been speaking lately, letting myself be heard more. there comes a point when its nevermore others not listening,its me sabotaging. and it releases me and others. i dont demand anymore from them in my heart- and the lie that they dont really love me hasnt a chance.
maybe in hell it does.
chatted w shelley just a smidge tonight, and we talked about her and cj, and upcoming amazingness. and then she had to get off the phone- and i was completely ok with not talking about me at all! it felt so cool and wonderful and free.
feels odd to end on this note. but i cant think of anything else right now. sugar in the donut mixes w decaf and shuts my brain down?
29 March 2011
14 March 2011
i would rather just sit and read my friends' blogs, and enjoy.
but i must type myself. i say that because my brain is reeling and i need yall to support me in prayer this week- hopefully you'll read this! and, i just need to get it out.
i am now a bridesmaid for a friend who is getting married friday. yay!!! very glad to be a part of thiss, even though i will be running around a bit!:)
and im going to be a mentor to a non christian romanian, while learning the language skype- style.
tomorrow im hanging out w devon and then having a meeting w the ladies that help me w kids club. somewhere in tomorrows day i need to find some time to call some dillards stores, make sure they have this dress for me to try on and hopefully get to the store after the meeting, have it fit, and buy it then. i also need shoes and a purse, and probably should go buy a strapless bra. i know, tmi. suck it up.[heres a little more tmi. i have this skin out break thing thats been going on for about a month and just finished a round of bactrim that didnt help and now i have diarrhea. apparently a common after -the- fact side effect. ]
wed im having lunch w a friend, then dinner w my gracegroup. so maybe some shopping can be done that night. thurs is the rehersal (sp?) dinner, then the wedd fri.
sat is kids club, and if any guys [or you know any guys]who know how to play the guitar want to come alongside for songs- lemme know! pete velasquez really thinks it would be good to have some music, and also for there to be a guy.
and ive made a commitment to learning romanian! and in so doing, answered a prayer request. maria was talking to marsha walenta, i think, wanting some sort of mentoring going on through the internet. they couldnt come up with anything definitive, and then marsha just said- 2 women, to step up w a heart for mentoring. thats what we'll pray for.
and we actually prayed for that tonight at the goodbye time w maria ciorba. after, i asked her what she thought was better; rosetta or another venue for learning the language. so it went very quickly from there. now i need a camera and a skype account. im such a weenie about all that stuff.
Gods pushing me in good places. reminding me that HE orders my steps. it will all work for the good of him. and such a blessing- he gave me time yesterday[and the discipline/ desire!] to sit down and lay out the kids club lesson. i NEVER get that lesson done before thurs nite, hardly ever. it was pretty much done yesterday. i just need to meet w the ladies tomorrow and iron out some very simple points.
dont put off for later what you can do right now. thats the take- home. i can be such a lazy butt, and God shows up all the time, displaying perfect timing, when i am diligent.
i prayed tonight at the meeting for fear to be removed in christian americans and romanians, specifically. for distrust in our God to be removed. i was praying that for myself more than anyone else.
but i must type myself. i say that because my brain is reeling and i need yall to support me in prayer this week- hopefully you'll read this! and, i just need to get it out.
i am now a bridesmaid for a friend who is getting married friday. yay!!! very glad to be a part of thiss, even though i will be running around a bit!:)
and im going to be a mentor to a non christian romanian, while learning the language skype- style.
tomorrow im hanging out w devon and then having a meeting w the ladies that help me w kids club. somewhere in tomorrows day i need to find some time to call some dillards stores, make sure they have this dress for me to try on and hopefully get to the store after the meeting, have it fit, and buy it then. i also need shoes and a purse, and probably should go buy a strapless bra. i know, tmi. suck it up.[heres a little more tmi. i have this skin out break thing thats been going on for about a month and just finished a round of bactrim that didnt help and now i have diarrhea. apparently a common after -the- fact side effect. ]
wed im having lunch w a friend, then dinner w my gracegroup. so maybe some shopping can be done that night. thurs is the rehersal (sp?) dinner, then the wedd fri.
sat is kids club, and if any guys [or you know any guys]who know how to play the guitar want to come alongside for songs- lemme know! pete velasquez really thinks it would be good to have some music, and also for there to be a guy.
and ive made a commitment to learning romanian! and in so doing, answered a prayer request. maria was talking to marsha walenta, i think, wanting some sort of mentoring going on through the internet. they couldnt come up with anything definitive, and then marsha just said- 2 women, to step up w a heart for mentoring. thats what we'll pray for.
and we actually prayed for that tonight at the goodbye time w maria ciorba. after, i asked her what she thought was better; rosetta or another venue for learning the language. so it went very quickly from there. now i need a camera and a skype account. im such a weenie about all that stuff.
Gods pushing me in good places. reminding me that HE orders my steps. it will all work for the good of him. and such a blessing- he gave me time yesterday[and the discipline/ desire!] to sit down and lay out the kids club lesson. i NEVER get that lesson done before thurs nite, hardly ever. it was pretty much done yesterday. i just need to meet w the ladies tomorrow and iron out some very simple points.
dont put off for later what you can do right now. thats the take- home. i can be such a lazy butt, and God shows up all the time, displaying perfect timing, when i am diligent.
i prayed tonight at the meeting for fear to be removed in christian americans and romanians, specifically. for distrust in our God to be removed. i was praying that for myself more than anyone else.
13 March 2011
cooked chicken this afternoon. i was going to invite people over to eat; glad now that i didnt. what i thought might take 40 min took about 3 hours . dont ask. im not sure.
going to a hockey game this afternoon/ evening. kinda excited, never been. i think i like sports more now as im older. i appreciate them more, and theres something in there about knowing i could do the sport, if i had wanted. my feelings of ineptitude as a child with anything group sporty made me pretty much detest all sports not swimming or running. sad.
anyway. romania is real. a friend today asked me multiple times- are you going? is it 100% ? i was like , sure! yea, i mean, if i get the money...
later she asked me again. i had to really really say, yes, im going. there was something in that exchange that felt like peter and Jesus.
i was wavering, wondering if i should start saving as much as possible to contribute to the "fund." i was going to - and somehow, after today God showed me my lack of trust in him. not just in the area off finances, but how that just spills out everywhere once we give it a foothold in one place.
going to a hockey game this afternoon/ evening. kinda excited, never been. i think i like sports more now as im older. i appreciate them more, and theres something in there about knowing i could do the sport, if i had wanted. my feelings of ineptitude as a child with anything group sporty made me pretty much detest all sports not swimming or running. sad.
anyway. romania is real. a friend today asked me multiple times- are you going? is it 100% ? i was like , sure! yea, i mean, if i get the money...
later she asked me again. i had to really really say, yes, im going. there was something in that exchange that felt like peter and Jesus.
i was wavering, wondering if i should start saving as much as possible to contribute to the "fund." i was going to - and somehow, after today God showed me my lack of trust in him. not just in the area off finances, but how that just spills out everywhere once we give it a foothold in one place.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)