power and neediness

i created this blog, and then the woman with the issue was brought up again.
do i feel i can reach out to him in the midst of all these others who need him just as badly? can i ask for that power? the answer is yes! we have been given all- all power, love , freedom, you name it [in His name]- and it is ours to use. it will never be used up and he will not think us ungrateful for not repaying or giving any of it back. he's a loving parent that wont get tired of his childs insessant energy! [aka needyness] showing that we have needs shows also that we are incapable to meet them. and that is really something in the american mindset. we have the money, we can buy what we need! we dont ask for your help- im not going to ask my neighbor for that egg- ill just go to the store. i could think up a few other things i "need" [want] anyway.

pray for me

im feeling different. i was really happy- joyful, content-for most of the day. it was nice. my roommate came home and something in me changed as we interacted. there was disdain, almost. it was weird. and i felt myself shutting down. i dont know what to do about how to bring up this subject with her. i feel like both of us have things to look at . if it were only her, i wouldve been able to love her well and ask good questions and just love on her! but i think theres some things in me too. otherwise we wouldnt have this problem. and im so excited, because ive been typing most of this post without looking at the keyboard! [there are still many mistakes. but im stoked anywaY! its funny because no one even knows this exists yet. and yet i talk to 'people.'

im here because all my friends are moving

i finally decided this was going to be an easy thing, if i would just allow it. im sad over xangas slow [very slow] death. one of these days its going to die to me. this is the first pang.
anyway. i really dont want this to turn into a xanga eulogy.
my title thing is an allusion to the woman with the issue of blood for 12 years. in the bible. theres so much we can learn from that short encounter that took her years to build up to.