rest

i thought id blog about the good times, not just harsh

God pulls me up and through. i need people- and im learning how to be needy in that. i let my desire to clean the apartment rest- i think that may happen a bit tomorrow. i had a good friend speak into me, shared some life with two others [helped me get my mind off myself], saw a good movie that was a conduit for crying::time travelers wife::, and laid out next to the pool in the late afternoon sun.
ive felt very distant from The Master of the Universe and my Life If i Let Him. thats all my doing. hes so good to me. its like the little kids at work- theres good i can do for them, i need to do for them. but they dont want it, they want to play. theyre scared of what might happen. they arent familiar with anything i have and even their parents' presence doesnt help.
so their parent[s] hold[s] them down lovingly, so they dont thrash and get an explorer stuck in their eye. some kids get so delirious with fear and anger that they arent even present anymore. theres no calming them at this point. you have to let them alone- sometimes they dont even want to be held and comforted by their parents [wow am i seeing myself in all of this! i didnt even have this thought fully formed when i started]. yea so thats me.
i read a really wonderful post by a really studious amazing lover of God. it was what i needed in its entirety[my needs' entirety]. i am very forgetful. i have to be reminded of what has been given me, of how i am loved, why i am here, and that i can utilize all those aformentioned things together in really lovely and varied ways.
im doing this for me; remind me if you see fit.
these are the things i need to remember.
God will glorify Himself.
all He has is available to me.
He will woo me lavishly, and strip me mercilessly to have me become fully.
i will be afraid of new things.
He is bigger.
maybe quitting a job and not having another lined up is okay[i didnt quit my job]
i will always have Him. i may have food, clothes, a car, and a place to live.
I have been given a love for children.
i want to be a mother, and thats okay. my children may be spiritual
i have been given capacity to speak into others
i have been given a desire for art
im getting a growing passion for sign language.
i need to pursue the things important to me-they are all loving people and worshipping God, and must be pursued and remembered as such.
managing daily "little drudgeries" matters; they influence/become the spiritual addictions or freedoms.