this feels like a "finally"

pray with me my friends. just as you read this, you can agree and that is prayer. i am more willing now to do some battling. im tired of being afraid, and thats one thing that Jesus specifically says we have NOT been given. ask him with me, that my pride would be removed and i would not count myself above anyone that needs to have whatever from him that i am in a place to give. i mean, can i not prepare bags for the people i see on the street corners? can i not be ready? this is actually a place of fear above anything else. afraid that now i am responsible, fear that now i have to be aware of more pain around me. now i have to look people in the eyes and care about them. my heart is already there, breaking for people. but if they dont see it, whats the point? "be well and warm"
yea thats worthless.
and i know much can be accomplished through prayer- but do i even take the time to lift people up that i come in contact with? no, im more worried about how their painful interaction has hurt me, and did i perform well in what i did say to them- bleh.

i feel kinda done talking about the fear in that arena.
theres something else id like prayer in, and i think theres fear intertwined with it. but its more of being settled in tension. im constantly sitting in the place of wanting to be with another half. i also know this may not happen. everyone tells me i will marry, and im pretty sure of it too. but there are people that dont marry. and people told them the same thing. God hasnt told me i'll be married. but i still hope. i just would like to not feel this radar so badly. i dont want to meet guys and automatically rate them on the scale of possibility. it feels like im demeaning them. i want to see people how God sees them. yea, these are my prayers.