my life is going to change. i hear HS's whisper to risk a new kind of life, one without addiction.
it scares me; i have no idea what my life would look like, feel like. its always been there, along with the far- reaching lies that go along with it.

God had me stumble on a thought today.
my joy is really circumstantial. i hope for rest and joy in Gods goodness beyond what is happening in my life right now. i want to find joy and be interested in loving people well.
part of me has always thought, if i love on them, theyll love on me back! esp in christian circles. and that is the case at times. most definitely not all the time . but they wont. if im really to follow Jesus, its to love not demanding anything be returned to me, to know its all for the edification of others. cant do that on my own. but the revelation is nice.
curious about how these 2 things are intersecting.