we rip people apart at work, each other included.

i dont want to do that anymore; God give me joy and peace and hope to speak.

last treatment for bed bugs tomorrow. and then we see. and wait. and try to not be paranoid.

honestly, yall, im so incredibly tired. this whole thing is huge. and im getting rid of stuff. if anyone is having a garage sale, lemme know. im going to make myself part w some books and movies, to start. i just am so sick of stuff.its a picture of our souls, i think in some way. and yes, in that respect i see my soul in its beauty and quirkiness, but theres all that clutter. bleh.

im going to continue as soon as i can , with everyones ok, the kids club. hopefully thats be fore the summer ends. i have some ideas about it looking different.
all of this has me guessing if i should continue. Gods gonna have to slam the door harder in my face if its true i need to stop!
i dont know how to convey the un- done ness of what my life has felt like. its distanced me from people, i feel, and yet opened places for people to take care of me.
its removed my old view that rest can only look one way.
its shown me i have way more stamina and capability than i thought. i probably have more, but that will be shown when i have kids.
i havent dealt w my addictions in a couple days . i like that.

entirely different thought- the more i try to be present for the people around me and such, the harder its become . just to be present for others and focus on them when i feel my life is just a bunch of things i have to do to survive and maintain - its crazy! its the hardest thing! i feel like i understand how a homeless person feels.