lets just say its hard to live out a dream and a truth about yourself when the real world is happening around you, telling you that faster is better and you have to fulfill so many obligations and what your dream entails isnt important enough.
Absolute One is tugging at my creative soul.
today i pushed my hacked- up table next to the wall and propped the canvas up that way. id looked at easels, but didnt feel like i could get one yet. the cheap ones are a little too cheaply made; id like one that is sturdy. and maybe has telescopic legs. so this will wait.
i was textin w my mom today. she randomly tells me [after i lethargically started my creation] that my dad got me an easel!
this is what my dreaming has been up against my whole life .
her text: your dad got you an easel :/ [my thought, why the face?! id let them in on where id been. ALOT. prolly cost him 10 or 20 bucks and shes just tired of his random purchases, but really. 20 bucks. whatever mom.]
my response: cool!!!
we go back and forth a bit- she tells me that he actually found it in a vacated office that he was doing some work on, and it was broken, but of course he fixed it.
why the face?
it was and will be such a blessing! ive never used an easel before, ive always been on the floor or against the wall. alot of times i was out in the driveway, because im messy. which is ok.
it kills me that theres such a void in my mom about hoping, and liking things . she keeps her heart closed in this area. ive asked her about things shed like to do, and it always comes down to travel . seeing places. which is cool, but i know theres something deeper . she used to do photography. and she was good. i know theres more.