theres a group lunch happening tomorrow and im kinda being set up to meet a 37 yr old. his mother is going to be there.
most of the people that are going know at least that he and i are both "looking", an we are in each others' age ranges and single.
awkward.


ambivalence.

i'll tell yall more later. theres some more- eh. lemme tell yall now; maybe it will get this pressing weight off my chest.
hes romanian and lives in ny- or maybe just from ny. i have 2 pimples on my face and i just pulled most of the fake nails off, but there are pieces i cant get off and it looks crappy.
i hate having people around when i meet a single guy. i feel like everyones watching me. its a stress i dont handle well and i tend to get brusque, flippant, ya know. im afraid to show if im interested.
i feel weird because hes older. i just had a talk yesterday with kels and her mom about gaps in "marital age" and how tenuous that can be.
im sick to my stomach. :::: k im better.

this didnt make me feel better like i thought.

::::edit!::::: just read the OHM blog, and she said this.
"I can still hear the call of both the hope and the fear. There is still time."
of course the whole post was good. this line made me break down and let out alot. i went and painted it on a canvas and felt some of my craziness go away. -- and i quoted it, so janet, youre famous. at least in my living room- and i accidentally hit the "o"! what if we called them our loving rooms?!?