there were some feelings happening friday, and they all kinda came to me, and wanted to be heard. i put them on paper and promised to let them out soon.
so heres the letting out.
i was cleaning friday, and getting all of my life in order before today. it feels like a huge task, to get the whole frikkin life together ;-P its do able.
anyway~ in the amazingness of whats been going on w me and God lately, i was able to sit down and read some bible and pray, and not want to push it aside, to rush and do the next thing.

came across a verse about having peace, joy and righteousness. in the midst of life. that felt very far away. if you pick a random day, and ask me if im abiding in peace, joy , and righteousness in my heart, i dont think id be able to give you a positive answer. i allow all these really little things like bad drivers disrupt my core, my true focus.

another verse was, nobody should look out for his own good, but the good of others.
i just gawked at that. honestly. thats really impossible. Jesus has to do that completely. and i just started thinking of how i view my life and the people in it- i do not love people like that. i dont automatically think of the best thing for my friends. i mean, sometimes i do! maybe even 80% of the time. but really- thats just my close , dear friends. i cant imagine looking towards the good for all else above me.....really being selfless. its a big deal.
and something else i wrote down, that i cant seem to catch back into my brain where it came from-- the statement " how do we get into God's timetable?"
well i guess thats a question.
i remember this thought really bothering me, but i cant grab hold of why i was thinking it. it was important to me, though.
the last thing that i also havent been able to wrap my mind around is... this song. i have a cd, and its on there, and ive listened to this song before. but it struck me the other night. i keep listening to it and looking at the words. wondering why its pulling me.

say you dont know how to do it now, so you run
its not that youre bleeding, but youre through it now, so you run, so you run
i know that you need it, you cant live alone, so you run, so you run

everyone says youre amazing now that youre clean
only you know who the real ones are cuz youve seen
theres only one question i want to ask, is it healing
when you hear
everyone say youre amazing
does anyone ask you...?

do you cry in your sleep, and do you feel ok, when you run?
thinking its doomsday, you got to let it go, so you run, so you run

pretend you dont see it, that we can live a lie, when you run, so you run.

everyone says youre amazing now that youre clean
only you know who the real ones are cuz youve seen
theres only one question i want to ask, is it healing
when you hear
everyone say youre amazing
does anyone ask you...?
cuz i know that youre real, amazing, amazing, amazing

everyone says youre amazing now that youre clean
only you know who the real ones are cuz youve seen
theres only one question i want to ask, is it healing
when you
everyone says youre amazing
[i want you to always feel youre amazing]

http://youtu.be/MH6JmwsRhS0