bible study, worry...

im back already! tonight was the beth moore bible study night.- i always come away wanting so much more out of my relationship with God.

i really  want to wake in the morning, and have time with him. and i am doing that. i am really wanting it! im kinda sleepy, but i just envision curling up next to him, or in his lap, and we talk about the people that are on my heart or his, and i read some, do the bible study for the day.
ive been memorizing verses with this study-- look, im gonna do the 2 ive learned right now.

but if serving the Lord seems evil to you, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the river, or the gods of the amorites, in whose land youre now living . but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. joshua  [??] forgot. cool though, huh?

and --i will rejioce in the Lord; my soul will exult in my God, for he hs clothed me in the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels. isaiah 61:10

i am sitting with a bunch of questions. i know that the Lord and his word at the most important kind of learning, and i wonder if he just had me start looking into school to remind me that i need to focus more on searching out him and his word. 
i also am aware that i am greatly afraid; i dont want to have to deal with money issues and studying. i thought tonight and started crying. i cant go to school!! i dont have time to study, and ---it kills me to think of taking time away from people that i love on now. i barely have time for the girls in my complex anymore, and what about helping at the childrens shelter?
looking at ministry opportunities and moving toward actually doing them are 2 different things.
it hurts my heart; my parents' words havent had any weight at all in this situation. they havent given advice or insight that has helped at all. i want my God to tell me what to do. my parents. a husband. but God never really works things out the way i see fit. he wants me to wait. it just made my heart sink when the man yesterday told me that id have a long road ahead of me. literally.
what if im supposed to do this? this long road? wont it take away from ministry. eh. its hard for me to think in years.
but then again, what have i been doing all this time in sa? ive definitely wasted time, have mercy . i cried over quite a few things tonight. one of them was, i never seem to finish anything. maybe i have finished my time with a certain ministry, or group, or whatnot. but it always feels like it is somehow unfinished. or that i leave with a weirdness. that maybe something wasnt done right, or talked out, or given a good solid ending point. that i grasp at different ministries, and they never seem to fit. im anxious that ill start into yet another ministry and commit to something, just to phase out within a year or so.
im just letting all the worry come out.
please God dont let all this stop me from doing good, hard things. 
so the bible study is wonderful ,and manna is awesome. bread from heaven, just enough for the day, just enough for the person, and by noon, it melted away.  had to get up in the morning and get it. some people gathered a little more in their baskets, and some people couldnt quite fill it. yet when it was actually measured, they all had the correct amount- just what they needed.
we need to get our "measure" of daily Jesus every morning. he will allot the perfect amount of grace and ability and sustenance for the day, no more , no less.