a tear- like, something being torn.
ok.
there has been darkness covering me. and today it feels a bit torn. and light is coming through. ive wondered if i have depression...when i think about these past couple weeks, and the other times it has been like this, i think im more apt to believe there is spiritual fighting happening.
strange to think that my sadness in longing for marriage, and for purpose in my life so my passions can find an outlet, are attacks from evil. and really, they in themselves arent.
but they are being used. maliciously.
last night i broke out of keeping it together and cried in front of some friends. let them know how much my soul and heart have been grieving.
this morning at work i lost it and couldnt stop crying; i was trying to hide it and just review charts. a co worker had said something biting, out of her own stress and pain a bit before, and it just broke the dam. another co worker asked me how my weekend was, and my voice was all husky- i knew i wouldnt be able to just cover it up. so i cried and told her i thought maybe i was being spiritually attacked, since ive been waiting on God for real and liking it, and growing...this morning i read something that reminded me to not think it strange when there are attacks in our minds.
another co worker came in and prayed over me. today was good, got through. was able to rejoice in the sweet care of God. i keep bringing myself to speak of gratefulness. evils just trying to distract me and remove this peace that im cultivating! and its not going to win! i ask the Lord to fight for me. and remind me. i plead and groan for joy to be present in my life. those of you that know me more deeply, know the joy is there...but when co workers tell you they like you better on energy drinks, cuz youre more fun/ happier? something is wrong. [ i drank an all natural energy drink -vemma- at work one day and was so full of energy and silliness.i also couldnt go to sleep that night well.]
and i offiically love florence+the machine
back to the title......
i love that God ripped through the separation and darkness that was between the perfect relationship that awaited us, and us.
i love that he ripped through this darkness today, and yesterday, and the other days, with his tender words.
he doesnt show up the way i want and he doesnt make it easy. but he does it right. and he does it perfectly.
I've felt especially attacked by the evil one lately too. Evil comes in so many forms and uses our longings and even good things to bring us down. When I wrote my post last week about forgetting who I was, when I began to pray, I cried out the name JESUS over and over again. I lost count how many times I said it.
ReplyDeleteThe enemy - He has to leave at the sound of His great name. All I know is that calling upon His name, saying it out loud, it sends the enemy packing.
I'm thankful for the torn veil too and the chance to have an intimate relationship with Jesus. It's so like God to tear something, only for there to be blessing and as a result of the tearing. <3