oh! yea. its um, the next year already! ::oops::

love it. i love that i have just been doin life and didnt give more than 5 thoughts to blogging. i just think thats neat
and just like that, with a new year, disciplines are falling into place.[ and just like that i somehow deleted about 3 lines that were typed after that. i guess its meant to be rephrased.]
im falling into joy with spending time with God. it doesnt look like much, but i want it all the time. not just some days.
and, ive been giving myself and others a break! being grateful IS such a great way to cultivate joy and love towards people! who woulda thought...oh yea, lots of people. well, it just takes me a while. [YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I DID IT AGAIN! I HAD LIKE, 2 PARAS GOING]
 maybe i need to strap my pinkie to the ring finger. i think its hitting the tab button, along with some string of other buttons. anyway. i am thankful for this apt, and what it has meant, and how i have grown here. oh. to be able to record all the thoughts that were thought here, all the tears, all the expectancy.
there has been alot of difficulty in this apt. way more tears than laughter.
ive danced less, and painted less than i wanted. but i have known more of God than ever. ive been afraid more, and stepped out more. ive been humbled more/ quieted more. gotten rid of more stuff.  this is not at all what i had written previously and then deleted, btw. pretty cool. i wasnt even thinking in this strain before.

theres more that i could say, but it feels cheapened to type.
tomorrow im going to a continuing education course. its actually tomorrow and saturday. i kinda like going to these, even though while im there i could shoot something.  i like going sleepy and in regular clothes [guys, i think i really do like being awake in the morning. but on my own terms. not for work.], and i kinda like how it makes me feel important. i dont know how a CE class accomplishes this. but i do. it feels adult-y.

::which btw i will be an OFFICIAL adult in april!! so excited. everyone subconsiously hands you a "legit adult certificate" in their mind when you tell them youre 30. theres respect::

one other thought, maybe 2. it depends.
some of my closer, older[as in we've known each other for a while] friends have recently unveiled their anticipation of my getting married. theyre ready for it to happen, it seems, just as much as [or more than!] me. it feels good to know people want good things for you, and are hoping and praying with you.
ok, yea, 2 things. the following is the 2nd.
ive been doing a friendship study with the people at the "mo"singles ministry, and am blown away by how much of a friend i am NOT. i wasnt expecting that. i had myself on a pretty good pedestal. i thought i understood friendship. and i do, to an extent. its just, i was placing friendship with God as if he were one of us. our friendship with him cannot be mutual- he is so much more and so much perfect. we are friends of God, hes called us friend, as the bible says, but its so crazy! thats why his love is so astounding. theres no way we can or should be able to be his friend. and hes figured this whole thing out where we can be close.  its crazy intense and misunderstood and being learned [by me].
other news
eating more protein in the morning as a hope to more healthful living. the moment i tried to cut out more sugar is when i wanted it more. so i figured at least taking my sugary cereal out in the morning was a good start. i havent felt different though.
am learning to love my cats again after an intense time of hatred and wanting to get rid of them. i am still not opposed to getting rid of them.
im letting the orange one outside daily. he likes chewing on grass and staring at free, out door air. its way better than hearing him meow for no reason at all for HOURS. i think he has a brain problem, one that i potentially brought on.  not really.    maybe.
stretching WAY more than ever in my life- which equates to doing it about once a day for a few minutes, i think. my neck and arms get stretched the most. its what hurts the most. but im finally stretching!
i put some type of make up on every day now for work. i didnt used to be her. but shes ok.
kava kava tea is supposed to help you get sleepy...it doesnt feel like its working. but i am going to stop blathering and take the next phase of wind down.
enjoy tour friday the 18th of jan '13! its the only one you'll get! ::i'll be the one indoors all day, slowly becoming transparent from lack of sun, and nervous from ample coffee::