revamped expectations

i think i do everyone a disservice when i blog so late in the day.
 but if i didnt, it wouldnt get done, and then i would feel as if i had lost something, and that i had failed to give you something. strange. im just overwhelmed  with wanting to tell people this story that is happening right now, this story of trust that feels small and huge at the  same time.
at the beginning of this year, i boldly told many people that i was going to move into a rent house[ well, planning, and by  Gods will- but humility was not forefront in my mind at the time.], and that i was going to have a great 30th birthday party.
enter needing 2000 $ for the IRS
enter lack of roommate opportunity in april - i can swing a house on my own

and so now we have waiting around until june at least for a house situation like i have in my brain to materialize, and saving saving saving , which means no big fun birthday spending.
and i was looking at my birthday week [i have taken off], thinking, great. i will have NO money, and no one to even really play with; what the heck am i going to do during the days!? i had planned on moving, and cleaning, and getting all house- y that week.
bitterness and jealousy and anger, all those things came up, not to mention disappointment in my own expectation that i tried to put on God. oh, yea, and there was the fear and worry about the money.
i cant explain all the ins and outs that God took me through, easily. or concisely.
suffice it to say, i understand in my heart, in my core, that we cannot add anything to our life by worry. my good God, and hopefully hes yours too,   reminded me that he is a Father, jealously looking for ways to give good gifts to his children, and he tells us  we will be full and complete,  not lacking anything.  i choose to know and rest in the fact that he will give me all i need. there isnt a lack of suffering, but the needs are fulfilled and my life in him is full and complete.
a couple people pushed me outside my box and recommended and hinted at asking God to give me the money---WHAT?! that was all tied with my not trusting his Father- hood toward me.
and the next 2 verses i pulled out of my cache to quasi- memorize were/ are:
"ask and it will  be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." matt 7:7

"honor the LORD with the firstfruits of your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to  overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine." prov. 3:9-10

i read these, pulled them out, right after hearing that maybe i CAN ask him to help me financially as i would ask my mom and dad. and then i realized ive never been that great at asking my parents for things/ time/ presence when i really feel in need.  thats a side note.
im not bitter about what other people seem to acquire in life with such ease. i was- im not now.  he removed the worry.. and i asked him to show me what my time off was going to look like. asked him to fill that week with good things.
so far, im planning on spending the night, AWAKE, at some point with jenny, since shes on nights.:-D
and, i just was asked to help decorate a car for the fiesta parade thats happening on my birthday! its for the childrens shelter!! im so stoked and scared. i want it to be awesome...
these next two weeks are going to be so busy, with spring break, a friend coming to visit, and all the "normal' life things that are planned. but i want to be present in them in a way that reflects where God has taken me, in trust, in rest, in joy.