ive been sleeping a lot lately. this is the first day in a few that i am waking up earlier than 10 30. i wonder if im just catching up, or if im finally releasing some tension and maybe im stressed out about moving and all the things i need to do. the excitement has to be factored in too. enjoying pedersen company in the pedersen home was insightful to me. the words fell out of my mouth that i didnt want to come back to the apt, it was disorganized, boxy, and depressing. :(
im so hoping for my next apt to be homey. for my self to feel settled in this place. i wonder, would i have started to feel that more in this apt if id just decided to stay here and not have my roommate here? are there too many memories that are so broad in content that theres not a good basis for a feeling of settledness?
im just talking all this out for the sake of getting it out. i havent felt good purpose here except for my job. its hard wanting to be a part of more that sits where your heart cry is, and not finding it. im excited about having that now, having more of those places in my heart be utilized. im expectant for feeling settled in the knowing that im a part of something that fills my heart and empties it well all at the same time.
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