hi

i read my last post to remember where id been. funny, God spoke to me this morning about leadership. the true aspects of leadership, i love. i do them easily and they are where i long to display more life. i just dont like calling it leadership because that word has felt negative.
pastor roger said something. and this is slightly verbatim i think. actually, maybe its just plagerism. hehhe. slightly verbatim= plagerism!

leadership is service and giving.
a leader isnt given people for the leaders benefit, but the people are given the leader for their benefit.
this may seem like a "duh" thing to you, it is to me. yet i never let myself see it.
i have in the past- recent past too- looked at the people that i knew were specifically given to me for me to lead, as people that were supposed to fulfill me, and give me something worthwhile out of our time. this is mostly including the children i have worked with. im a bit afraid as of right now to see what my thoughts have been regarding my friends and people i have mentored.
and really afraid to let yall in there. you can probably guess. and if you feel youve been a recipient of ugly leading, you probably have. im sorry.
i dont want to be her anymore.
:: beginning to embrace the word::

i might be moving into another apt in the same complex. if you want to know the full story, you can, its kinda boring. theres a fun "casting lots" part. but long story short this place might be significantly bigger in the living area, to where more kids could come comfortably, and it would be given to me for the same price as this one because the apt manager angela is awesome.

i dont want the hassle of taking down all my beautiful decorating and nesting that i finally got satisfactory, and having to change my address for all the businesses and such, just for an apt number. and i just recently realized i had the wrong address still on my insurance! my premium had just gone down, but changing addressesmade it go up again. location.
im finding the place of really giving myself over to the One that i can completely trust with everything- my very life- and even though this might be a hassle, hes made my heart open to the move. i really hope that living room is huge. at least set up differently for more accomodation. it will make the decision hard if its just by a little bit. even though im certain that God has told me to move, i can make a different decision.
ugh. re reading that feels horrible. i choose quite frequently what i feel is best. this event doesnt make sense and im having a hard time with knowing this will be a beneficial move.
i hear all the time and say all the time that Gods ways are not ours.
but i really and truely dont like it.
ok, this is me keeping the reading in a manageable length!
till a little later.