i mentioned i was excited and afraid.
this is partly for you, taytay
id like to blog about it though.
so bruce, a friend at church is getting into knowledge. dts[dallas theological seminary] satellite school at cbc [a church]. and he was meeting with our college/ singles pastor about learning more ...leadership, teaching, and sharing the gospel of Jesus w people.
something like that.
so he and the pastor were like, we should invite other people to do this. i said id like to be a part of it.
it includes apologetics- articulating beliefs in a logical way. [smart christian friends, if this is a bad def, please tell me.
so its basically teaching us more about God, and learning the mysteries about him. alot of times people take verses out of context, or things that they hear televangelists or well - meaning believers say, and write off Jesus because of it.
like, the bible says God gives good gifts to his children.
i believe im a child of God, because i believe he made me. he hasnt given me good, though - its been seriously crappy! God must be a liar.
yea.
so id like to be able to talk to people more on that level.
moreso than that- start conversations that mean something! talk about the eternal things- talk about God and what they believe is true. talk about hard things in their lives and search for the love of God with them. be alive with them in difficulty and find life abundant in the belief of Jesus Christ as fully God and fully man, come to die taking on our sins to make us clean in Gods sight and rising from the dead , securing new life for us in him if we believe.
and thats just part of it.
so im excited because im actually wanting to really start learning more about truth. not just passively accepting what is given me in church or by my family or friends. im excited that finally i'll be awake and aware when thinking about why people think they need to do penance when Jesus has done it all, why they think the Holy Spirit or Jesus isnt fully God. all that stuff.
and its scarey. once you have a true grounded working knowledge of something, youre expected to use it. its weird not to. somebody says, oh! you have a masters in pogo stick! cool- can i see your best stick, and could you do some moves?
and you reply- oh, i dont really ever DO pogo. i just liked the thought of knowing all about it. i enjoy sitting at the coffee shop reading books about pogo sticks, and what other people have done on their sticks....wondering about the probability of height if gravity was just THAT MUCH lighter.
so. i know that there is a requirement now. not just of a taskmaster whipping me into doing. if that was the christian life, i dont think id have stuck around. it wouldve been dead like everything else. i hate WORK. but its in my heart. a real understanding starting to spring. i know me. enough, anyway. that if i really do this, its going to be different.
im afraid of people rejecting Gods truth. of not believing what hes done for them. of not humbling themselves and thanking him for it.
and im afraid of losing friends and family as they might hate me if i really say what i want to .
i might hate losing face in front of people and crying over them. when we step into peoples hearts, they can get really defensive and push you out. but i have to remember its not me theyre rejecting ultimately. it still hurts.
so, thats about it. there will probably be more coming.
oh, yeah! and the discipline part- im way not like that. things come really easily for me, and when ive actually had to work its turned into major frustration, hatred, and almost nervous breakdown.
so me being all studious and really loving this learning. its only by the grace of God.
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