i took everything off my tree today. wish i wanted to move the tree out and clean it all up. i really want to have it done, and start fresh completely tomorrow.
God slows me down sometimes. does he do that for you?
i seriously had nothing i had to do today, until partying. and it feels great. finished truefaced- thanks tim! - and am going to get my own copy. there are things in that book that are good to remember.
our Father prepared and carried my heart some through the reading of this book. places i didnt know i needed words in, places i cant easily explain. just constantly reading truth was healing.
finding that ive been working hard STILL was disconcerting.
finding i have motives based on self- fulfillment hurts.
re-knowing that i can stay vulnerable is priceless.
staying vulnerable is getting tricky.
i know you all love me, and thats been a beautiful place for me to be open and let you in to the ugliest parts of my character and past. and you still love.
im actually running up against being afraid of showing parts of where ive been, and parts of who i am now. theres risk here, and i havent felt it this strongly before. it seems like so much more is at stake. i REALLY dont want to be rejected now.
and i REALLY want to be known more fully.
ambivalence, anyone? i think i have some extra laying around here.