i just realized one of the sides of my kitchen countertop facing the table is unfinished. shoddy. oh well.

having my tree sit here, staring at me is so "limbo- ish" - like i cant get out of Christmas. im waiting to recycle it. that happens saturday. woot!
kids club is going to start up.
hopefully grace groups.
will i have a "boyfriend" this year?
romania might happen for a week.
multiple friends have mentioned trips.
shelleys getting married.
so, it kinda feels like i am in limbo. some smallish things, to be sure. some bigger. none to pull my hair out over. [thank God that hasnt happened!] my main thought actually for this year is-- will i follow my Lord?
seems odd to me that this has been the burning thought stringing all these other things together.
last night i lay in bed unable to rest my mind- i was so desirous for a knowing. to know that i can hear Gods voice clearly. to know when hes leading.
not all the things i listed, but some, need preparation. like kids club. it needs weekly preparation. and i did a bad job last year. thats the best truth youll get about that. thankfully God doesnt need us to do good jobs. i fought him so much, i wanted to be the leader. i wanted things to go the way i would like them to. i wanted to be able to give the stories/ lessons with my ways of teaching and relating.
teaching is hard. teaching is solely for the other person. if you try to do it your way, so that its easy for you, it robs the "learners." call me slow, i just have never thought about this. i say i understand kids, and i still think thats true, but i dont completely understand how kids learn.
every week with club, i would dread it, get through it, and be glad i did it. sometimes i would even feel that it went well.
im hoping to be given a joy for teaching. or at least the patience to understand how to teach well.
we're having our first meeting tomorrow night, maybe thats why this is on the forefront of my mind.

my hope for grace groups is there- since i havent heard anything, its kinda dying. im disappointed in the seeming lack of interest in getting things moving.
romania feels far away. no pun intended. i dont know if my presence for just a week could be worth anything. i guess that sounds like im shortchanging God. pray w me in this. should i go?

everything else is kinda fun stuff.
it still takes up brain time.
ive been desiring to be in prayer more, and feeling distant there too. course its always us, never him.