my life is quiet. theres peace. only God can do this. its like standing on the edge of a cliff and the sea spray is kissing me all over gently as the soft winds whip about me- its almost enough to throw me, but not. i know im stable. my body can relax. i  dont have to stay tense to make sure i wont fall.

and theres the thought that, even if i did fall- so what. God knows.
God knows.
understands.
cares.
holds my (your) hand.
is constantly moving. [ on our behalf, for his glory] < yes , please! amazing!

thurs and fri (and today) were perfect. nothing super amazing happened- or did it?
i was able to get home on thurs in time to have water for the kids as they came home from school, and pass out donuts. got to talk to them and it helped the manager from getting distracted w the kids coming inside the office for the donuts.  friday i got to do the same thing- sans donuts. the last fri they didnt have any available either. im thinking i might have to find some easy little snack/ treat for them on fridays....
ive been contemplative as people have grieved with me and given the same suggestions for revamping kids club and making it doable.
change is not a bad thing- it is a hard, uncomfortable thing. and i am becoming ok with the kids club [ story, snack, game , etc] not happening.  friday i didnt have anything to do after i gave out water, and i was able to spend alot of time listening to a young man that people are already giving up on. that is being treated more like an adult by his older sister and dad than necessary. that thinks he has to be amazingly interesting all the time for people to be interested in him. we played chess and i beat him :) i didnt think i would- last time he and i played, he beat me, and all the other times ive played chess in the last few years, ive lost .  it was awesome:) anyway. ive been able to intrust  my stuff- frisbees, chess board and pieces, etc - to the kiddos at different times when i have to leave, and theyre always careful to leave it on my porch, or hang onto it until i come back home.
i have decided to not go to an aquaintances' goodbye party, in waiting to hopefully have a conversation with a former co- worker. shes having a rough time right now.
after i finish this, im playing another game of chess w joey.
i like being available, and my heart is hoping for more.
and maybe something even away from america.
could i go on a scouting mission trip for my birthday next year? --thanks tim for speaking something ive thought already, and making it easier to say.
gonna spend some time listening to my "son" now;)