epiphany of mediocre proportions

something that shouldve been super clear to me a long time ago has elucidated itself.

ive always been a firm believer that the mess that is in your house [and, if it is longstanding] and in your car is a great indicator of your emotional well being. Of your life in general. ive always been a straightener. I try to actually clean too. Take your glasses off in my bathroom. ok.

so, ive always looked at myself as dealing with things well, and keeping myself peaceful through keeping my room straightened. If im visually cluttered, it starts to play out in my demeanor and vice versa. Youll see neat little piles in my room of things to do. actually getting them done is another story. theyre hardly ever neccesary, usually only little projects i make for myself.

lately ive been wanting the fall to come sooner so i can find a rent house and move in, start fresh, have a change, feel more settled, the list goes on. Appeasing this drive was a shadow of my type A personality mom. Shes helpful, this shadow. i enjoy her.
i took down all the artwork that could last being nearer to my destructo cats, and that wasnt huge. then i started downsizing/ organizing.
its wonderful!!
I rearranged some things in my closet which had an effect on some stuff in the living room! I wont go into all the details.
Some of the stuff i have is poorly organized or not organized at all, but gosh darn it- its in a pile! Or it was stuffed away and i didnt really think about it until i needed it.
my silly epiphany came while i was thinking about all the things Gods been teaching me lately. He has revealed alot of seemingly trite things [that the world would think trite- maybe even valid]. These are ways of relating. for the sake of time, ive basically been very judgemental and exacting of people in my lifetime. Thats the biggest thing, anyway.
How this plays into my reorganizing/ throwing away:
Ive hidden this. Its been so laughable, because ive scorned people who dont have it all together[ "tsk,tsk. they should really deal with the issues they have. cant they see how it effects their everyday life?"].
ive placated myself within the areas im currently looking at. Ive thought, theyre in "piles" -its dealt with, im good.
Being shown my problem with obedience to dicsipline is now looking really interesting. In the spiritual realm, i gave myself loopholes to what i thought were rules and tasks i had to carry out to be good. The neat little piles, the half-baked dealt with problems.

its pretty neat to see God deal with me gently by utilizing the physical and mundane.
It will be exciting to have a more "dealt with" heart. Instead of hidden messes, Things that have been sorted through, culled for worthlessness, straightened, and put in more appropriate, effective, maybe efficient, easy- access places. Easy access to me. not necessarily to everyone.