solitude

another friday of solitude. didnt talk to any friends verbally, and the people i did talk w was short and over text. when you dont talk for most of a day, it makes it harder when you do. i had difficulty talking to the starbucks ladies. like, getting my point across.
i woke up very sad - i think melancholy is a great word. lets use that. it fits better. woke up to the kids playing in the ice. i was happy for them, but it made me want to stay in bed longer. not helping was the weird- ass dream i had that i cant remember now.
::been having completely technicolor and involved dreams for the past week and a half now. im kinda tired::
i was wondering at my lethargic poutiness. some of it had to do w the fact that i knew i wasnt really going anwhere today and that i was going to be in solitary confinement! the other part was that i wanted to go play w the kids but knew that would be WAY weird for them. some of the kids i can talk to and kinda hang out w easily outside of club, others are awkward and dont know what to do w me.
solitude is restful. and i ended up getting things done, and still had hours of free time that i filled w a movie and walking. its so much better than what i usually do- speed up and go crazy, get everything done"faster"--found out today probably not much faster-- and then use the rest of my day to wind down, but not really get to sit in rest.
taking things more slowly makes me more apt to be disciplined. [::woot.
no, no, though. really. its good. i do like it. esp since i was hit in the brain w the fact that im older and shouldnt have a problem w this.
im really liking the discipline of getting the kidsclub lesson done now. the lessons are easier to do, and the one for tomorrow is fear vs. faith. hah! God likes to teach me at the same time, just sayin.