i would like to give something of my self that is tender tonight. i dont know what those words are[well, something just popped in my head!]
im sorry. i am rough and caustic and critical and i hurt you incessantly. ive beaten you with my words and facial expressions and tone. i cant stop.  and somehow i never seem to be  able to stop myself and tell you im sorry in the moment.
im upset that i make you uncomfortable when i blurt out whatevers  on my mind.
this will probably never be read by those that need to hear it the most. thank God he heals up the stuff we cant go back and fix.

on a lighter note~i have nothing to do tomorrow after work! i dont even have any errands! unreal. today i had more time after work than i usually do, and didnt have many things at all to get done, and i cried of the goodness of it.
im strikingly aware of being very tender right now, and the past couple days have been nothing but me metering out the tender, or covering it entirely.
but tonight it is cool, and work has been manageable, and it might rain:) im hopeful for more tomorrow.