deviation

im still going to bum around in the topic of humility, guys. dont worry. but when something beautiful happens, gears are gonna shift.
hunky lars, my passionate volvo, tells me when his feet are tired. [a.k.a. low pressure]
i fill them up again and everything is fine. lately, though, the loss of air wasnt normal, since the temperature wasnt changing drastically. and thurs nite at one in the morning, im frustrated because hes still telling me he "needs air now".
fine, tomorrow we'll go to the volvo service center.
friday i woke up to torrential downpour.

but i had to get my gingiva followed up on- looks great, i can start braces any time- and so i went out. good thing i enjoy rain.
went to volvo. theres a nail in a tire, irrepairable.
the man told me hes not supposed to, but suggested i try somewhere else. i go to discount. not much cheaper, and PROBABLY can get the tire shipped over by the afternoon.
not good enough. so, i go back to volvo, and since i know its going to be a bit of a wait, i look around in my car for something. bypassed the bible and went to my john eldredge trilogy. currently rereading Waking the Dead.
::read it::
God, thank you for the nail in my tire, thank you for the extra waiting time while all techs were at lunch, thank you for the empty waiting area so i could cry, thanks.

this is where i give you things that bathed my heart and ended up bathing my face.

"Our deepest thoughts are held in our hearts. Scripture itself claims to be "sharper than any two- edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."(Heb. 4:12). Not the feelings of the heart, the thoughts of the heart. Remember... Mary "pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2:19), as you do when some news of great import keeps you up in the middle of the night.
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Prov.23:7
It is the thoughts an intents of the heart that shape a person's life.
The apostle Paul drives this home when he states: " If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified"(Rom. 10:9-10). ....
Where does saving faith come from? The heart. Which raises a troubling reality for all of us:you do not belong to God, you are not a Christian at all, until you engage your heart, believe with your heart. Jesus said the same when, in a moment of frustration with his own people, he cried,
"For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and i would heal them. (Matt. 13:15)
The mind is a faculty, and a magnificent one ast that. But the heart is the dwelling place of our true beliefs. "
HK=read romans 7:17-18, 20, 22.
"Paul is making a crucial distinction:This is not me, this is not my true heart. Listen to how he talks about himself in other places. He opens every letter by introducing himself as "Paul, an apostle." Not as a sinner, but as an apostle, writing to the "saints." Dump the religiosity; think about this mythically. Paul, appointed as a GreatOne in the kingdom,writing to other Great Allies of the kingdom. How bold of him. There is no false humility, no groveling.
HK=read Eph.3:2-5.
"Paul is unashamed to say that he knows things no man before him knew. He even assumes theyve heard about him, the mysteries revealed to him. That is part of his glory. His humility come through clearly, in that he quickly admits its all been a gift, and in fact, agift given to him for others.
And listen to the way he talks about us: "You shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life" (Phil. 2:15-16). .... You are supposed to shimmer. .... All this groveling and self- deprecation done by Christians is often just shame masquerading as humility. Shame says, "Im nothing to look at. Im not capable of goodness." Humility says, "Ibear a glory for sure, but it is a reflected glory. A grace given to me." Your story does not begin with sin. It begins with a glory bestowed on you by God.
"Certainly, you will admit that God is glorious. Is there anyyone more kind?...creative?...valiant?...true?... daring?... beautiful?...wise?... generous? You are hiss offspring. His child. His reflection. His likeness. You bear his image. Do remember that ...he made the heavens and the earth...the desert and the sea...and said, "It is good," [and that] only after he made you he said, "It is very good." Think of it: your original glory was greater than anything that's ever taken your breath away in nature.
....
"If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright
And the lips more scarlet,
Or ask if all be right
From mirror after mirror
No vanity's displayed:
I'm looking for the face I had
Before the world was made. "
W.B. Yeats
"Yes, thats itt. When you take a second glance in the mirror,... you are looking for a glory you know you were meant to have...."

it goes on. i could keep typing. i wish i could make lots of people read this book. my heart had been in alot of different places, and wasnt resting. Holy gave me rest in his words. and, gave me rest about next summer. possibly going to romania again; looking at preparing for whatever that looks like- being ok with maybe setting my job aside. as in, not coming back to the one i have.

as i was typing some of this out, i realized it DID have humility stuff in it. so yay. im not being a yo-yo, this is a progression! more humility later. i found out today a close friend has been looking at humility herself, so im excited. ive been given co- travelers.