our longings for love, unity in diversity, communication, community, humility, peace, and selflessness are in fact- by design- longings for the trinitarian God.

human desires corrupted by sin turn in on themselves[ "inward growing eyes"] and the longings turn to lusts.

we long for humility, where people pour out themselves unreservedly for the benefit and well- being of others.
these are some thoughts, mostly verbatim, from the book doctrine.

i am really struck by the last one. ive never thought of myself as longing for others to have humility. ive wanted it in myself, seen it lacking in myself, because i know all the little inner workings of my heart and thoughts. i know im not living out of humbleness. but hadnt paid attention to the fact that i see the lack in others. ive deadened that, willing to just gloss over it and, oh well. you cant expect anything from people these days. even people being humble in their car, and letting me go, or whatever, i sometimes meet with disdain. it pricks my longing and even though they cant see it i react ugly.

even around people i love and they care for me. like at work, most of the time i dont expect people to pour out anything for the benefit of me or anyone else for that matter. theres one woman who does, and when she stops you can tell... shes usually burnt out at that point,and she has one of those EXTREMELY long mom- fuses.
its just rare. and where does that sit in my heart....?do i want to be rare? do i want to pour myself out?
id like to say yes.

Pro 15:33
The fear of the LORD [is] the instruction of wisdom; and before honour [is] humility.
Pro 18:12
Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour [is] humility.
Pro 22:4
By humility [and] the fear of the LORD [are] riches, and honour, and life.
Act 20:19
Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the lying in wait of the Jews:
Col 2:18
Let no man beguile you of your reward in a voluntary humility and worshipping of angels, intruding into those things which he hath not seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind,
Col 2:23
Which things have indeed a shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.
1Pe 5:5
Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

i am intrigued now, but i promised myself id go to sleep earlier this night. i dont know that i understand the def of humility in the kj way. placing the thought of pouring myself out unreservedly into these texts/ contexts is a place i want to sit and think. another night.

::ok, one last thought. what is "voluntary humility," why is it different than regular humility, and why is it negative?::