ahhh.... good friend happenings this weekend. and i didnt work at it. thats the best part. i was able to relax in all of it. thanks tim, for thinking up the breakfast. thanks elizabeth, for hanging w me. theres other people i could thank but they dont read this so whatever.
my skin doesnt feel scaley!!! woot! it peeled pretty profusely after my shower today. hopefully that is the beginning of the end./
i dont know what it is about this medicine im taking, but it makes me super tired in an achey way, but then im awake easily for a little over half the night. its evil!!
ive been talking to my boy cousin[i only have one boy cousin, thats why im calling him that] on fb about his belief in shinto. basically asking him questions. he knows about Christ; he accepted Him when he was younger, talking to my dad on the sidwalk outside our house one day. hes since rejected, then been ok w Christ, but now believes alot more loosely, more focusing on general spirits of earth type. i think. like forces. karma type stuff. i keep jsut asking him about it when i think of something. the other day i almost made it more pointed and Christ- filled, buit fb kept kicking me off, and when i got on today, it just didnt seem right ot say what i was going to. i think im supposed to just stay curious of where hes at for now.
annnnd.i miss my husband.
i was talking to a single friend sunday morning. i asked her if the pain of unrequited/ dashed hope relationships gets worse each time. she said yes.
i dont know how im going to survive. the last time was pretty brutal. and ive sworn to not kill my hope. so im left with a heart full of expectancy, waiting again, wondering: in the next go round, will i have to mop up again, or will i become more guarded? and in my guarding, will i quiet some of my hope?
i sit in the ambivalence of loving and appreciating the freedom and opportunity of my singleness, and desperately wanting to be tied to someone here on earth..
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