im going to be randomly posting "bible stuff" - sorta doing a little study of doctrine/ theology. its going to be a discipline, actually studying the bible with the help of a book; and thinking.... this feels alot like school and i havent done it in a while. we'll see how sporadic i get:)

ive been focusing alot on what im giving and receiving in relationships. its become a checks and balances, and has been deadening. ive been screaming at God, with tears, saying why. this is all from a focus that ultimately just wants to make sure heather is taken care of.
there are places in my life/ being that i need to make sure are cared over, yes. but ive taken back again the right of the LORD to take care of me.
so - handing over the microscope thats been on my interactions with people. laying aside the part of me that wants to force others to take care of me in whatever way i think they should, and let them bless me with a surprise of caring for me well when it flows out of love and is on their timetable.
ive come closer to the reality of pouring myself. i know im a giver, but i always look at how i can give in terms of money. i feel like its more important that way somehow. but listening to the lady in my complex, sharing listening to adventures in oddessy with her, giving her that extra attention- this is a great gift, and honestly it teaches me sacrifice.


im making a conscious effort to paint regularly. :) its already really awesome!! Gods letting me see what purposes it has. some of the purpose, like giving me an emotional outlet thats on a different plane that speaking or writing, i used to shove to the side as not as important.
today- knowing how i feel after ive painted- it is now known fully by me that this facet of its importance is not to be taken lightly.